I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
