Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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