well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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