hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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