my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
