I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
