he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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