yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
