i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
