I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
