I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
