it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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