come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
