Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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