Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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