Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
