So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
