its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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