Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
