The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize