OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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