Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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