fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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