names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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