next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I FOUND THE LEGS
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize