...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
