oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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