My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
