Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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