3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
