we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
