I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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