Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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