i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
