i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
