god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Randomize
