I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize