im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
