We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
