saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
