If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
This house was built for laser tag.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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