i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
me + whiskey = a bad person
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
