Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
