Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
