He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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