I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
