Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
This is my gift to your gina
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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