just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize