Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
