She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
