he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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