Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize