Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Randomize
