Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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