Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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