"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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