I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
