What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
