well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
