We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
