I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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