What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize