my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
