Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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