Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
